Ladies and Gentlemen: The Gender of Nice

      I walk into a party: Upon standing around, searching for my social circle for about 15 minutes, I am approached by one of my peers, and told that I am not welcome and am pushed. What "should" I do? This marginally depends on my gender. For men, they are in sort of a double bind. If they physically fight back, perhaps they are a true man. Since they stood up for themselves, they are being rightfully assertive. Although some might argue that a gentleman should simply recede, many would agree that they just physically defined their gender. Women, on the other hand, are socially expected to back down. These are the issues that are addressed in Spencer's "Characteristics of a Southern Lady." Although it is surely an outdated piece, I think that it still has some relevance today. Why do certain actions, like being patient and forgiving, have to be gendered? After all, Jesus possessed both of these qualities, yet Christian men are still forgiven more for acting out physically during occurrences that could have been settled without a physical reaction.
    Although Spencer points out that women should be concerned with being "refined," it seems to be that ladies of the time should be most concerned with being doormats. Why couldn't a lady point out that another person was being completely unreasonable and rude? Why can't sticking up for yourself be considered a positive quality? I feel like there is a definitive line between being polite and a pushover, and I feel like girls today are still presented with these ideas. We could go through the classic examples of figures such as Hilary Clinton who were punished for pushing traditional stereotypes, but that still gets us nowhere. I wish that there was a thorough identity of positive and admirable person, regardless of gender. I would hope that the qualities of respect, compassion, and willpower could be mixed in with ideas of assertiveness and self-confidence. I think they we are slowly coming closer to this idea, but like I have said before, change takes a long time and sometimes it gets frustrating for classic ideas to be shattered.